Escape to Paradise: Cyprus' Secret Adults-Only Beach Haven
Escape to Paradise: Cyprus' Secret Adults-Only Beach Haven - A Review (With Rambles!)
Alright, buckle up, because I'm about to spill everything on Escape to Paradise: Cyprus' Secret Adults-Only Beach Haven. I'm talking raw, unfiltered, "did I really eat that much baklava?" kind of real. This isn't just your average cookie-cutter review, oh no. This is a journey – a messy, glorious journey – and hopefully, it'll convince you to trade your inbox for a cocktail by the pool.
First things first: Accessibility. I'm thrilled to report it says it's accessible. But I didn't experience it personally, so I can't vouch for how truly accessible it is. However, considering the other ways this place has been thought through, I hope they've knocked it out of the park.
Cleanliness and Safety: Is it Germ-ageddon Proof? The pandemic changed everything, didn't it? And Escape to Paradise gets it. They're all about anti-viral cleaning, professional-grade sanitizing, staff in safety training – the whole shebang. I saw hand sanitizer everywhere, and the daily disinfection of common areas was reassuring. I even noticed the option to opt-out of room sanitization, which is a nice touch for those who have a preference. The cashless payment service makes things easy, and the individually-wrapped food options are a plus. I didn’t see anything that made me think ‘ooooh that’s not clean’, so that's a massive win in my book.
Rooms: My Little Paradise, Maybe? Okay, so…the rooms. They sound pretty sweet on paper. Air conditioning is crucial in Cyprus, right? And the free Wi-Fi? A godsend. They have everything: bathrobe (essential!), coffee/tea maker (even more essential!), and even a 'socket near the bed' (thank the heavens!). The blackout curtains were my best friend for those late-night/early-morning naps. Let's not forget the free bottled water – hydration is key when you're lounging by the pool all day. Oh, and the toiletries were decent – not the tiny, stingy kind. The soundproofing was fantastic; I barely heard the outside world, which was exactly what I wanted. My room had a balcony! Now that made it paradise. I spent a good hour there just soaking up the sun, and sipping coffee. Total bliss, guys!
Amenities - Does it Really Have Everything?
- Internet: Free Wi-Fi in all rooms and Wi-Fi in public areas? ✅
- Things to do: Pool with a view, check. Spa, sauna, I'm there. Fitness center? Well, I told myself I'd go, but… you know. I did enjoy the gym, but I did it in the morning and it made me feel like the day was worth it.
- Dining, drinking, snacking: They've got you covered. Restaurants galore, a poolside bar (duh!), and even a snack bar. I didn't try everything, but the buffet breakfast was solid, with a good range of choice. The Asian restaurant? Absolutely amazing! And the coffee shop was great.
- Services and conveniences: They've got laundry, luggage storage, a concierge, the works. They have a gift shop I didn't even venture into, but the thought is nice!
- For the Kids: Nope. This is an adults-only retreat. So, peace and quiet, folks!
The Food - Oh, the Food! Okay, let's get down to the REALLY important stuff: the food. I'm a sucker for a good breakfast, so the buffet was a good start to the day. They had everything from the usual suspects (bacon, eggs, etc.) to some amazing local pastries. Lunch? The poolside bar was my go-to. Burgers, salads, and a killer club sandwich. And dinner? The Asian restaurant… Oh, the Asian Restaurant! Let me tell you the story.
One evening, feeling a little adventurous after a few cocktails by the pool, I decided to try their Asian cuisine. I wasn't expecting much - sometimes, themed restaurants at hotels can be a bit…meh. But, oh my god, the food was incredible. I ordered a plate of dumplings that were divine. Then, I got some sort of noodle dish that I'm still dreaming about. Seriously, it was a flavour explosion! I was so engrossed, I nearly forgot that I was on a beach holiday. The service was attentive and warm, the view was magnificent, and the food… the food was a masterpiece. If you go to Escape to Paradise, you absolutely must try the Asian restaurant. Trust me.
Getting Around - How Easy Is It to Escape? They have the airport transfer, a car park, and a taxi service. Getting around was super easy. You could also hire a car. But I was happy with the taxis! I am not a fan of driving on unfamiliar roads, as it increases stress levels.
The Flaws (Because Nothing's Perfect, Right?)
Okay, I'm not going to lie. There were a few little things. The service could sometimes be a little slow during peak times at the bar. And the pool loungers? They were in high demand, so you have to be quick to get a nice spot! But honestly, these are minor quibbles. Nothing that seriously impacted my blissful holiday.
Overall Vibe: The "Escape" Part
This place is, at heart, aiming for total relaxation. The whole adults-only thing really works. No screaming kids, no splashing around. Just peace. Quiet. Time to breathe. I spent hours by the pool, reading, sipping cocktails, and just… being. It was glorious. The pool with a view was a major selling point, I will admit. The sunrises felt like it was just me and the sky. I felt truly refreshed. It's a place where you can unplug, unwind, and actually escape from the everyday grind. And in today's world, that's a pretty valuable commodity.
My Final Verdict:
Escape to Paradise is a winner. It's a beautiful, well-run hotel with fantastic amenities, delicious food, and a vibe that's all about chilling out. If you're looking for a relaxing adults-only getaway, you should book your stay here, without a doubt.
Why You NEED to Book RIGHT NOW!
Offer: Book your stay at Escape to Paradise within the next two weeks and get a complimentary couples massage at the spa plus a bottle of bubbly upon arrival! Use code "ESCAPE2PARADISE" at checkout. This offer is only valid for stays of 3 nights or more. Trust me, you deserve this!
Escape to Paradise: Unbelievable Pakels Bali Villas Await!
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's meticulously color-coded itinerary. This is MY Anonymous Beach Hotel (Adults 16+ in Cyprus) diary, and trust me, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.
Day 1: Arrival and… immediate regret? (Mostly kidding… mostly)
- 10:00 AM: LANDED. Cyprus sun beaming down. Airport smells vaguely of sunscreen and desperation. My internal monologue is already screaming, “Are you sure you packed enough wine?” (Spoiler: I haven't. Always a mistake.) Taxi to the hotel. The driver, bless his heart, seems to think I'm fluent in Greek. I'm… not. We spend the ride communicating with enthusiastic hand gestures and increasingly confused expressions. Classic.
- 11:30 AM: Check-in. The hotel lobby is… well, it’s clean. And the receptionists are polite. But it lacks… personality. It's an aesthetic of "beige," which, let’s be honest, doesn't exactly scream "sex, sun, and sin.” (Though I remain optimistic.)
- 12:00 PM: Room reveal. Okay, here we go… Oh. My room. It's… the balcony is the star. Overlooking the sea! I can already see myself, margarita in hand, sun-kissed and relaxed.
- 1:00 PM: Lunch. Hotel buffet. Okay, the food is… edible. The salad bar is a triumph! Fresh. Crisp. I am going to become best friends with the Greek salad. My stomach isn’t feeling that ready for the rest of the world.
- 2:30 PM: Pool time! I find a sunbed (miracle!) and prepare to bask. I promptly get myself sunburnt, and now I'm questioning my life choices. I blame the celebratory pre-trip glasses of wine.
- 4:00 PM: Nap. (Needed.)
- 6:00 PM: Cocktail hour at the bar. I order a Mai Tai because I saw it in a movie once and think I can pull it off. Turns out, I can't. But the bartender, bless his heart, is incredibly patient. I proceed to people-watch, which in this context is mostly observing the various stages of sun-induced red-faced bliss. I overhear a couple discussing the merits of a water sports package which is very enticing…
- 8:00 PM: Dinner. The buffet again. Sigh. This time, I venture beyond the salad bar. The moussaka is actually pretty decent! I find myself chatting with an elderly couple from Sweden who are obsessed with the hotel karaoke. This is going to be an interesting week.
- 9:30 PM: Karaoke. Yeah, you read that right. I’m not a karaoke person. I hate the spotlight. But, the Swedes guilt me into joining. I choose, "Dancing Queen" because, well, when in Rome… or, in this case, Cyprus. I butcher the ABBA song, and it is glorious! I'm not sure if it’s the audience or the drinks, but I feel something positive. I get complimented, and I meet some great people.
- 10:30 PM: Bed. Exhausted. And suddenly, strangely, excited for tomorrow. This hotel is a world of surprises.
Day 2: Island Exploration and… Epic Fail?
- 9:00 AM: Wake up feeling like death. Sunburn + karaoke + questionable cocktails = a fuzzy head. Coffee. Lots of coffee.
- 10:00 AM: Rent a car. I’m a terrible driver, but I'm determined to see the island. "Challenge accepted," I tell myself. This is where the "epic fail" part comes in, I'm pretty sure.
- 10:30 AM: Start driving. I take it slow, and I stay very, very close to the speed limit. I'm probably the most cautious driver Cyprus has ever seen.
- 11:30 AM: Stop at a scenic overlook. The views are stunning, absolutely breathtaking. I take a million photos. Post them to Instagram, which prompts a mild panic when I realize I don't have the right angle.
- 12:30 PM: Village exploration. I stumble upon a charming little village, complete with a taverna, a sleepy cat, and locals who seem to have mastered the art of slow living. I eat the best souvlaki of my life!
- 2:00 PM: Beach time! I find a secluded beach and spend a glorious hour swimming in the crystal-clear water. Pure bliss! I start feeling like the carefree traveller I always dreamed of being.
- 3:30 PM: Driving the wrong way down a one-way street. Panicked, I reverse. I narrowly avoid a collision. "Oh, my!" I utter. I regain some composure.
- 4:00 PM: Find another stunning overlook. Realize my navigation skills are… lacking. Get slightly lost.
- 5:30 PM: Finally found my way back! I return the car. I swear, the rental agency is relieved to see it.
- 6:30 PM: Poolside relaxation (aka, damage control for the sunburn).
- 8:00 PM: Dinner again. This time, I try the grilled fish. The Swedes tell me about the legendary hotel themed night.
- 9:00 PM: This is where it gets messy. The hotel is hosting a beach party and I've met a few people. The drink is flowing, the music is pumping. Dancing on the beach under the stars!
- 11:00 PM: I'd like to tell you I remember everything that happened, but… I don't. I think I may have made a fool of myself on the dance floor, and I might have accidentally flirted with the bartender. Who knows? I am thankful for this experience.
Day 3: Chasing Waterfalls (and possibly my sanity)
- 9:30 AM: Wake up with the mother of all hangovers. My head is pounding like a drum solo. Coffee. Painkillers. The works.
- 11:00 AM: Decide I need nature. So, I arrange a trip to the Troodos Mountains, famous for their waterfalls. I will heal and explore.
- 12:00 PM: Drive again. This time, I take the scenic route. This time I'm not lost.
- 1:00 PM: Hike to a waterfall. It's beautiful! Really, really beautiful. But the hike is harder than I anticipated. My hangover is not helping. I question all my life choices.
- 2:30 PM: Discover another waterfall. I splash in the water. I'm alone and it is the best I've felt all day. I get a weird sense of peace.
- 4:00 PM: More driving, more scenic views. I feel the hangover is gone.
- 6:00 PM: Back at the hotel. I get some food.
- 7:30 PM: Themed night! Time for the show. This is some serious fun!
Day 4: Sea and Sun… with a Side of Awkward (and Unexpected Friendship)
- 9:00 AM: Sleep in. A rare treat!
- 10:00 AM: Decide to book a boat trip. The sea is calling.
- 11:00 AM: Aboard the boat. I meet a group of people on the boat and begin to bond.
- 12:00 PM: Snorkeling and sunbathing. I'm floating in the clear, turquoise water. The fish seem incredibly curious of me.
- 2:00 PM: Lunch on the boat. The food is simple but delicious. But this is where the awkward happens. One of the people from the boat keeps looking at me.
- 4:00 PM: Back to the hotel. I start a conversation with the girl from the boat. Turns out, her name is Alexis and she's lovely. We end up talking for hours about life, love, and the very questionable karaoke performance from Day 1. (We both agree it was epic.)
- 7:00 PM: Dinner with Alexis. We bond over the bad buffet food and the shared experiences.
- 8:30 PM: The karaoke. Alexis and I get up to sing again. This time we're better, or maybe it's just the wine talking.
Day 5: Relax. Or Try To.
- 10:00 AM: Breakfast. This is the last day.
- 11:00 AM: The sunbeds! The sea! The endless supply of drinks!
- 1:00 PM: Lunch.
- 2:00 PM: I meet a couple by the pool. They're old, but they have this incredible energy. They tell me about their travels. They give me great advice.
- 4:00 PM: One last dip in the sea.
So, Escape to Paradise... is it REALLY paradise? Like, actual pearly gates, harp music, and no screaming kids paradise?
Ugh, good question. Let's be honest, "paradise" is a pretty big claim. Think more... extremely pleasant, with the potential for moments of pure bliss. Okay, imagine this: late afternoon, sun painting the sky in those ridiculous, Instagram-filter-worthy colours. You're sipping something fruity and vaguely alcoholic, the waves are whispering sweet nothings, and... wait for it... NO. KIDS. Pure, unadulterated silence, punctuated only by the gentle clinking of ice cubes. That's… pretty close to paradise, right? It's definitely a HUGE step up from the local supermarket. I mean, I went to the beach to escape my own hell, and let me tell you, dealing with sunburnt toddler meltdowns and sand-filled sandwiches is not exactly my idea of relaxation.
Adults-only? That's the big selling point, isn't it? What's *that* really like?
Okay, this is where it gets interesting. The "adults-only" thing? It's… liberating. Utterly, gloriously liberating. You can walk around in a bikini without feeling like you’re starring in a particularly bad horror movie. Conversations are actually *coherent*. You can finish a sentence! You can read a book without the constant interruptions of “Mommy, I’m bored!” or worse, the dreaded… "MOM, I NEED A SNACK!" (shudders). Honestly, it's like entering a parallel universe where people appreciate a decent cocktail and a good book, and the only tantrums are self-inflicted (usually by yours truly after a particularly brutal game of beach volleyball... more on that later). It's like a reset button for your brain, you know? Like, "Oh yeah, *this* is what it feels like to be a grown-up who can make their own choices without needing their hand held by a small human."
The beach itself – what's it *really* like? Is it crowded? Is the sand, you know, *nice* sand?
Okay, the beach… this is where things get a little… complicated. "Secret Beach Haven" implies empty, right? Well, let's just say it's not exactly *crowded* by Disney World standards. But "secret" it definitely *isn't*. It's a beautiful beach, mind you, seriously gorgeous. That classic Mediterranean turquoise water, ridiculously clean, and (crucially) WARM. The sand? Oh, the sand. Silky, golden, perfect for burying your toes in… until you get that one grain of sand that decides to lodge itself in your shoe and then *taunts* your foot for the next hour. That happened to me. It was my nemesis. Anyway, there are times where you can find a quiet spot, and times where you feel like you’re sharing your space with a bunch of people who are also desperately trying to escape something. But the views! The views are *stunning* and make every little annoyance melt away, almost. The sunsets... oh lord, the sunsets are the kind of thing that makes you want to write bad poetry and suddenly become a yoga instructor. (I resisted the urge, thankfully.)
What's the food like? Tell me everything! Because let's be honest, good food is essential.
YES! Food! Okay, so, "Escape to Paradise" has a restaurant. Not the best restaurant I've ever seen, not the *worst*. Think: generally good, with a few moments of culinary genius, and some… let's call them “experimental” dishes. I’m talking about the local taverna, with fresh fish daily. I tried the octopus – it was an experience. It was either perfectly cooked and tender, or just a rubber-band. The prices were reasonable and the cocktails were... well, I may have tried a few. The Greek salad? Perfection. Simple, fresh, exactly what you need after a day of basking in the sun. The breakfast buffet, however... that was an absolute *masterpiece*. Freshly baked croissants, mountains of fruit, and a coffee machine that actually made decent coffee? It's what dreams are made of. Honestly, between the amazing breakfasts and the sun, I almost forgot the fact that I'd been working too much and was still emotionally processing the last six months of my life. "Almost."
What are the activities like? Is it just sunbathing all day? Because, frankly, that gets boring.
Sunbathing all day? God, no! (Although… sometimes that's exactly what you need.) They have some activities. Beach volleyball, which, let me tell you, is a *spectacle* to behold. Picture me, utterly uncoordinated, diving for a ball and ending up flat on my face in the sand. (My dignity is still recovering.) Then there's snorkeling, which is lovely, but I'm not the best swimmer, so, I may have spent most of the time clinging to the rocks, terrified of the deep. There are also boat trips, but I'm more of a "sit on the beach and contemplate the meaning of life (while sipping a cocktail)" kind of person. There's a spa, too. I highly suggest it. I got a massage, and honestly, I think I left an entire person behind on the massage table. They definitely need to work on the spa music, though. That's just my opinion, of course. One day a masseuse and I looked at each other and burst out laughing because it was so ridiculous. Anyway, yes, activities. But the best part? There's absolutely no pressure to participate. Which is how I spent most of my time: strategically avoiding activities, soaking up the sun, and wondering if I should actually *try* the yoga class. (Spoiler alert: I didn't.)
Let's be brutally honest: the downsides? What actually *sucked*?
Okay, deep breath. The downsides… here we go. Number one: The Wi-Fi. Seriously. It's spotty at best. I swear, the minute I needed to upload a picture of my perfect cocktail (because, obviously), the internet decided to give up on life. Number two: That one grain of sand, I already told you about it. Number three: The beach volleyball, for me. I was *terrible*. And even though it was fun, I was still embarrassed to be the reason my team lost every single game. Number four: The bugs. Cyprus is a beautiful island, if you are a mosquito or a fly. I got bitten a million times. I still have the itch, so I'm pretty sure I'll be scratching for months. Number five: And this is the big one is the people. Mostly because you're going to go there and you're going to meet people who are just so, *so* much more successful than you, better-looking than you, and who have their lives together. It will make you question all your life choices. Okay, maybe it's not *that* bad, but still... prepare to feel some envy.
