Escape to Paradise: Drums-Hazelton's Hidden Gem (Holiday Inn Express)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, 'cause we're diving headfirst into the swirling waters of the Holiday Inn Express in Drums-Hazelton, or as I like to call it, Escape to Paradise. (Okay, maybe that's a little dramatic, but hey, marketing, right?). Let's break this down, shall we? And trust me, I've got opinions.
First Impressions & Accessibility: The Good, the… Well, Let's Be Honest.
Alright, here’s the deal. Accessibility is a big deal, and this is where we start paying attention, big time. We need to know Wheelchair accessible, right? Check. That's a good start. (And believe me, after some of the hotels I’ve reviewed, that’s always a win). Facilities for disabled guests is a must – tick. The Elevator is a lifesaver. Front desk [24-hour]? Absolutely key. And the exterior corridors are actually kinda nice. I like the idea of being able to pull up right to my room.
Okay, so far so good. They're trying. But I'm guessing (and this is just a hunch), they may not be perfectly accessible, considering it is a Holiday Inn Express. We’ll need to see if the hallways are wide enough and the bathrooms are practical. But they say it’s there, which is already above average, people.
Cleanliness & Safety – Pandemic-Era Survival Guide (and a Few Grumbles)
Okay, let's talk about the elephant in the room: COVID. "Escape to Paradise" definitely had the checklist down. Anti-viral cleaning products? Check. Daily disinfection in common areas? Double check. They're going all-in on the disinfectant, which is comforting. Hand sanitizer? Everywhere, like the good Lord intended! Individually-wrapped food options? Yep, the sad but necessary breakfast buffet of the future. Rooms sanitized between stays? Let's hope so, otherwise, we’re all just… vulnerable.
But here's my snag. Room sanitization opt-out available? Hmmm. Because sometimes, I don't want them messing with my perfectly organized chaos (or, you know, my germ-laden haven). I personally like the idea of them NOT coming in, which is probably a me problem. But good for them for offering the option.
The Stay: A Stream of Consciousness
I can't tell you everything about the rooms but they are definitely equipped. I mean, we're talking Air conditioning (thank god), Alarm clock (I'm old school), Coffee/tea maker (another godsend). There's a refrigerator, a desk (that’s important for some of us), a hair dryer (thank you, angels), and free Wi-Fi (bless technology). Carpeting is a mixed bag (I hate carpet), but I love blackout curtains. And the TV! The Satellite/cable channels are essential for mindless channel surfing.
What’s missing? The soul. Okay, that was theatrical. But these rooms are cookie-cutter, you know? Efficient, functional, but… bland. You get a bed, a TV and a place to charge your phone.
Okay, Let's Talk About Food. (Brace Yourselves.)
The Breakfast [buffet] is… well, it's a Holiday Inn Express breakfast. You get your Asian breakfast, Western breakfast, Coffee/tea in restaurant, and buffet in restaurant. The breakfast takeaway service is critical. Let's face it, you need to grab that sad little croissant and run!
A Coffee shop? Nice. A Snack bar? Good. What I'm not seeing yet, is anything to get excited about. The Restaurants are probably not anything to write home about, but I reserve that judgement after my visit. But, a Poolside bar and Happy hour?! Now we're talking.
Things to Do, Ways to Relax… (Or, My Inner Lazy Person's Guide)
Here’s where it gets… interesting. They’ve got a Swimming pool [outdoor] (perfect for bobbing around and pretending I’m exercising), and a Fitness center (which I will avoid like the plague), or a Gym/fitness. And a Spa/sauna. Hmm. I love the idea of a Sauna, but I need a Massage and I'll be happy. And the Steamroom too. The Pool with view is a cool bonus if the view is nice.
But… Body scrub? Body wrap? Okay, they’re trying to be luxurious. They may not quite pull it off, but I’m willing to be wrong.
Services and Conveniences: The Nitty-Gritty
This place has all the basics: Air conditioning in public area is a must (it's always hot outside!). Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Elevator, Ironing service, Laundry service, and Car park [on-site] (essential).
For the Kids:
Oh, my. Family/child friendly is the key phrase. And what about the Babysitting service? It might be useful at a pinch. And the Kids meal is good to have too.
The Dark Side (or, Things That Need Work):
- Internet Access [LAN]: Okay, who has LAN anymore? I didn't see a mention of reliable internet connection.
- Couple's room: I'm single, but it's a feature if you are traveling with your partner.
- Anything truly memorable. This is a hotel designed to function. The amenities are okay, but this probably isn't a place you'll go to for the luxury experience.
The Offer: (Because I'm a Terrible Salesperson At Heart)
Listen, honey, are you looking for a mind-blowing luxury escape? Probably not here. But if you're looking for a clean, safe, and mostly accessible place to crash, with a decent breakfast, and a pool, the Holiday Inn Express in Drums-Hazelton isn't half bad. It’s a comfortable, clean stay.
Here's the deal: Book your stay at Escape to Paradise: Drums-Hazelton's Hidden Gem (Holiday Inn Express) and get 20% off your first night! Use the code "GETAWAY20". Because face it, sometimes, all you need is a clean bed, a free breakfast, and a pool to jump in--and that's what this hotel provides.
Haunted History & Royal Luxury: Lumley Castle Hotel Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's itinerary. We're talkin' a HAZELTON, PA, adventure fueled by questionable decisions and the unwavering belief that a king-sized bed at the Holiday Inn Express is a valid life goal. Here we go, in all its glorious, slightly chaotic, and definitely opinionated glory:
The Great Drums-Hazleton Escapade: A Messy Itinerary (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Potato Chips)
Day 1: Arrival & Questionable Choices
- Afternoon (Around 3 PM): Arrive at the hallowed halls of the Holiday Inn Express & Suites Drums-Hazelton. Check-in. The front desk lady, bless her heart, seemed genuinely happy to see me. Weird. My room? Surprisingly spacious. My initial reaction? Sigh of pure relief. After a 4-hour drive battling traffic and my own inner demons, the king-sized bed felt like the promised land.
- 3:30 PM: Unpack. Let's be honest, "unpack" is a generous term. More like, fling suitcase contents across the room and hope for the best. Discover the glorious free Wi-Fi. Immediately check all social media. Judge, and then become judged. It's a vicious cycle, and I’m completely addicted.
- 4:00 PM: Snacks acquisition expedition. Okay, here's where it gets real. The vending machines in these hotels are always either disappointingly empty or full of things you wouldn't feed to a rabid squirrel. Found a bag of potato chips. I considered this a win. Walked back to my room, contemplating life choices, and the overwhelming craving for a Pepsi (the machine, of course, also didn't have Pepsi).
- 4:30 PM – 6:00 PM: Netflix and Chill (with a side of chips and existential dread). Okay, maybe it wasn't chill. More like "stare blankly at the TV, occasionally muttering about the meaning of life, while consuming potato chips and feeling slightly ashamed." The hotel room provided the perfect setting for this exact activity. The bed was fantastic for it.
- 6:00 PM – 8:00 PM: Dinner. Panic time. I'd planned to find a nice restaurant in town, but the thought of interacting with other humans (besides the lovely hotel employees) after a long drive…well, it just seemed like too much effort. Settle for the nearest pizza place. It was decent, nothing to write home about, but definitely filled the void that the Pepsi left.
- 8:00 PM – 9:00 PM: Attempt to swim in the pool. Realized it was closed. Sulked in my room.
Day 2: Exploring the Unexplored & the Overwhelming Allure of Convenience
- Morning (8:00 AM): Free breakfast at the hotel. This is a gamble, folks. Will it be the standard eggs, sausage, and questionable pastries? Or will it be a culinary disaster of epic proportions? Today? Surprisingly edible. The coffee was black and bitter, which is always a good sign.
- 9:00 AM – 12:00 PM: Decide to be a "tourist." This involves a lot of Googling "things to do in Hazleton" and finding… well, less than I'd hoped for. Went for a drive, ended up at a park. Beautiful? Yes. Thrilling? Not really. I had a brief moment of existential angst, wondering if this was what life was all about. Ate a granola bar.
- 12:00 PM – 1:00 PM: Lunch. Found a diner. The waitress was probably 90 years old (bless her spirit!) and the burger was greasy perfection. This is what I'm talking about! This is what small-town America is all about. Felt a wave of pure, unadulterated happiness.
- 1:00 PM – 3:00 PM: Back to the hotel. More Netflix, more potato chips. It's a lifestyle, people! I'm fully committed.
- 3:00 PM - 4:00 PM: Attempted to use the exercise room, but it was occupied by a man doing an intense workout. Decided that it was more comfortable to stay in my room.
- 4:00 PM – 5:00 PM: Panic search for a grocery store. Ran out of potato chips. This is a crisis of epic proportions.
- 5:00 PM – 6:00 PM: Grocery store run. Successfully acquired more chips. Also, a can of Pepsi (!!!). Celebrate by drinking it straight from can, in the car.
- 6:00 PM: Dinner (Leftover pizza and new potato chips). Contentment.
Day 3: Departure & the Lingering Smell of Chlorine
- Morning (8:00 AM): Free breakfast, again. Managed to avoid any existential crises. Considered stealing a banana for the road. Didn't.
- 9:00 AM: Check out. Goodbye, glorious king-sized bed! Goodbye, free Wi-Fi! Goodbye, Hazleton (or at least, until the next potato chip emergency).
- 10:00 AM: Leave.
Concluding Thoughts:
Hazleton, PA, isn't exactly the center of the universe. But, you know what? It was nice. The Holiday Inn Express was clean, comfortable, and had a pool (even if it was closed). And the potato chips? They saved my sanity. Would I go back? Maybe. If the king-sized bed and the free Wi-Fi are calling, I'm there. Also, I know the area a bit better now, so I'd be happy to explore more places than just the hotel.
And that, my friends, is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Or, at least, the truth as I remember it through a haze of potato chip crumbs and vague sense of satisfaction.
Balakong Soho City View: Stunning Aeon & Mines Malaysia Views!
Escape to Paradise: Drums-Hazelton's Hidden Gem... or is it? (Holiday Inn Express) - The Messy Truth
So, is this "Paradise" thing a joke? Is the Holiday Inn Express in Drums-Hazelton ACTUALLY good? Like, REALLY good?
Okay, let's be honest. Paradise? Maybe a *slightly* exaggerative marketing term. But, and this is a BIG but, it *can* be good. It's a Holiday Inn Express, people. Temper those expectations! Think clean sheets, a decent (and free!) breakfast, and a place to crash after you've been driving for hours. That, my friends, is often Paradise enough. Look, I once spent a night in a *really* dodgy motel in Oklahoma. Let's just say the only "express" thing was my desire to leave. So, yeah, Drums-Hazelton HIE? Compared to *that*, it's heaven. But paradise? Depends on your baggage, both literal and metaphorical.
The breakfast… everyone raves about the breakfast. What's the deal? Is it *that* epic? Or just… "hotel breakfast" epic?
Alright, breakfast. The HOLY GRAIL of the Holiday Inn Express experience, right? Look, it's not a Michelin-starred brunch, okay? It’s not going to win any awards – unless the award is "Most Efficient Way to Shove Calories into Your Face Before 9 AM." They usually have the standard fare – rubbery scrambled eggs (they always are, aren't they?), sausage (questionable origin but generally edible), waffles (you MAKE them! That's fun, right?), and a glorious array of pastries which I always, ALWAYS overindulge in. *Every. Single. Time.* There's also coffee that's hot and kinda tastes like coffee. It's a utilitarian breakfast, but it's free, and it *works*. Honestly, after a good night’s sleep, a hot cup of caffeine, and a slightly-too-sweet muffin? I'm ready to face… well, anything. Even Hazelton.
What about the rooms? Are they clean? Are they *functional*? Because my last hotel room was… well, let's just say I used more Lysol than I did conditioner.
This is a HUGE win for the HIE. Generally, yes, the rooms are clean. Cleanish, anyway. My super-high standards? Let's be honest, *no* hotel room quite meets them. But I've never felt like I needed Hazmat gear. They're usually tidy, the sheets are crisp (that's a good feeling), and the bathrooms, while not spa-like, are functional. Important note: I *always* check under the beds. Always. Once found a rogue sock in a supposedly 'high-end' hotel. The shame... Anyway, I digress. The rooms here are definitely above average for this class of hotel. You get what you pay for, and that 'pay' isn't usually too steep.
The location. Drums-Hazelton. Where even *is* that? Is it in the middle of nowhere? Do I need a car?
Drums-Hazelton. Ah, the gateway to… something. It’s definitely not a bustling metropolis. It's in Pennsylvania, a fact I learned the hard way when my GPS told me to "turn left at the Amish bakery." (True story. Best pie ever, by the way). You ABSOLUTELY need a car. There's not a whole lot of walk-ability. It's a great base if you're exploring the Poconos, or maybe visiting family (God bless you). It's close enough to… well, *something*. Look, it’s not the *destination* itself, it's the springboard. The launchpad. The place you sleep and then go *somewhere* else.
The staff. Are they friendly? Do they seem like they actually *want* me there?
Okay, the staff. This is where it gets interesting, and potentially *very* subjective. I've had some AMAZING experiences and some... less so. Generally, they're fine. They're probably working a job, just like you have. Some days they're perky; some days, they're clearly just surviving. The important thing? They generally try to be helpful. I had a problem with my key card once, and the guy at the desk fixed it with a smile. Another time, I asked for extra pillows, and they, to their credit, *delivered like heroes*. And let's be real, a hotel staff member who can find you extra pillows is a modern-day knight in shining hotelier armor.
Anything else I should know? Any hidden pitfalls? Any tips that will save me from utter hotel-related despair?
Okay, here's the secret sauce, the insider tips to survive (and maybe even enjoy!) your stay. First, the pool: It's usually small. It's usually indoors. It's not a *pool*-pool, more like a glorified bathtub. But it's there if you really, REALLY need a swim. Second, the Wi-Fi. It’s… okay. Sometimes it works like a charm. Sometimes it’s slower than a snail on a molasses mountain. Prepare for potential digital detox (which, let's be honest, might be a good thing). Third – and this is a BIG one – don’t expect the world. Honestly. This is a *Holiday Inn Express*. It's not the Ritz. Manage your expectations, and you'll be fine. And fourth, and perhaps most important: Pack snacks. Because you never know when you'll need a handful of trail mix to get you through the existential dread of a Tuesday afternoon. And that, my friends, is about it for this hidden gem... or is it a hidden... oh well, you get the gist.
Okay, spill the tea. What's the one single thing that really, truly, just… pissed you off (or, conversely, delighted you) about this place?
Alright, here's the ugly truth, the raw emotion, the thing that still makes me *twitch* to this day. It was the *elevator*. Or, rather, the *lack* of elevator music. It was SILENCE. Utter, deafening, elevator silence. I HATE elevator silence. It’s awkward! You're crammed in there, looking at strangers, pretending to be fascinated by the floor numbers. At least, for the love of all that is holy, give me some Muzak! Some elevator-friendly tunes! Instead? Nothing. Just the low hum of the motor and the unspoken acknowledgement of the shared, elevator-based ennui. I swear, one time, it went on for, like, three floors… then, finally, a quiet, timid *ding* and a wave of relief when I escaped. On the plus side, the ice machine on the top floor always worked. Always. I'll take a functional ice machine overLuxury Stay Blog
